I decided to sexy up the ole resume and give potential grad schools a woody by volunteering for an affiliation on campus. I had to do training today. I wanted to gut fuck myself by the end of it.
First, we did the oh so fun introductions.
"Hi, my name's Batman. I'm a senior. I'll probably be in this bitch a bit longer because I have attachment issues I can't get over. I'm only here because my resume is pathetic; I'm usually very selfish."
My intro was like a drunken "Oh, by the way, I fucked the groom too! Cheers to y'alls happiness!" maid of honor toast. I looked like an ass. Sheesh, lighten up, bitches. For people that "love to help others" you sure are making a girl want to slit her wrist all vertical-like.
That's not the worst of it. We had to role play. I get my card and roll my eyes. I'm the drunk, black out, pill popping college chick, and my partner has to discuss with me her concerns on my kick ass behavior. We give the audience a brief little description of what character we are about to portray. This is what I said...
"I'm a slutty ass, drunk college girl, probably of the sorority nature."
I'm super pumped about volunteering my precious masturbation time with these Debs.