Thursday, August 12, 2010

Let's Address the Hymen in the Room

Well, I'm glad I fucked up so quickly on this blog because now we get to have a bonding experience. I'm going to disclose information that hints to serious daddy issues, I'll cry, you'll read awkwardly with this face…

"What the fuck do I do?"

In all seriousness, let's talk about the presence of my hymen. That's probably a lie, that bad boy had to have been busted, naturally, by now. But figuratively, it's still intact. 

I don't bring up my virginity because I don't really think it's that important. I'm not holding onto it because I'm going to marry Jesus or anything; I'm still untainted because I believe in this fictional thing called love. I really want to lose it, and regret it a year later, because I thought I loved a retarded boy. I just have yet to meet someone that can rival the love I already have for myself. 

The funny thing that I've noticed about people when they figure out I'm hymenally-challenged is they 

1) Think I'm a unicorn


B) Think I've never seen peen before.

Come on now, peeps. Granted, I do have the mental capacity of a 12 year old, but I have a bit more experience than one. It's called alcoholic mistakes. 

I think the reason I'm addressing this in a blog post is because in our drunken text convo, second guy said to me "You don't have to let your virginity define you…" I know that what that really meant was "You can come over here and let me tickle your belly button from the inside" but I couldn't help but wonder if everyone views virgins as these uptight, skittish mythical creatures? Unfortunately I'm a foul mouthed, perverted, skittish virgin. 


  1. One of my best friends is a virgin and we tease her about it (when jesus comes back you'll be the only virgin left), but its not that big of a deal. She doesn't let it define her and you shouldn't let it define you. If a guy can't respect that he isn't good enough for you anyways.

    I suggest waiting until you are really in love (like 6 month relationship minimum) before you even think about letting some guy take it. You don't want to regret it later because you slept with some asshole

  2. I'm totally going to think of you as a typing unicorn from now on.
    It's all good. Just think of all the horn waxing jokes you can make!

  3. #1 is not so bad because unicorns are so awesome!

  4. We totally view you virgins as uptight and skittish.

    On a completely related note, one of my very best girlfriends is saving it for marriage, and she just got engaged. I really, really, REALLY want to be the first phone call she makes the day after her wedding. It has been so long since I lost my virginity that I don't even remember what it's like anymore.

  5. I don't know any female virgins. The only virgins I know are male and, in their case... it is simply tragic.

  6. that's so funny. when I was in highschool AND in college... i realized my friends has been all along thinking i wasn't a virgin anymore! (not to judge me, but they just thought i wasn't) .. because I know so much, for not to be a virgin.

    I lost my virginity while on a 3month old relationship. and I've known the guy as the same age as our relationship was. But now we're on our second year :)

    I've said myself i dont want to succumb to pre-marital sex. but. ... heck.... i guess after all the past guys i've dated. ... the feeling I had with my boyfriend whom i knew for just 3months, was just different that's why i already gave in.

    sounds like some movie clip but... well... that's how i really felt. lol :)

    and i was right because we're now on our 2nd anniversary next month. and i guess he will be the only guy i will ever sleep with :)

  7. By the way on the hymen part though... I'm still curious why my first try didn't bleed. i.e. no hymen breaking... so my friend's like... i wasn't a virgin before that. lol.

  8. Like you, I am a unicorn. Female unicorns are usually virgins. Male unicorns are super sluts.