Thursday, August 12, 2010

Let's Address the Hymen in the Room

Well, I'm glad I fucked up so quickly on this blog because now we get to have a bonding experience. I'm going to disclose information that hints to serious daddy issues, I'll cry, you'll read awkwardly with this face…

"What the fuck do I do?"


In all seriousness, let's talk about the presence of my hymen. That's probably a lie, that bad boy had to have been busted, naturally, by now. But figuratively, it's still intact. 

I don't bring up my virginity because I don't really think it's that important. I'm not holding onto it because I'm going to marry Jesus or anything; I'm still untainted because I believe in this fictional thing called love. I really want to lose it, and regret it a year later, because I thought I loved a retarded boy. I just have yet to meet someone that can rival the love I already have for myself. 

The funny thing that I've noticed about people when they figure out I'm hymenally-challenged is they 

1) Think I'm a unicorn

and 

B) Think I've never seen peen before.

Come on now, peeps. Granted, I do have the mental capacity of a 12 year old, but I have a bit more experience than one. It's called alcoholic mistakes. 

I think the reason I'm addressing this in a blog post is because in our drunken text convo, second guy said to me "You don't have to let your virginity define you…" I know that what that really meant was "You can come over here and let me tickle your belly button from the inside" but I couldn't help but wonder if everyone views virgins as these uptight, skittish mythical creatures? Unfortunately I'm a foul mouthed, perverted, skittish virgin. 

8 comments:

  1. One of my best friends is a virgin and we tease her about it (when jesus comes back you'll be the only virgin left), but its not that big of a deal. She doesn't let it define her and you shouldn't let it define you. If a guy can't respect that he isn't good enough for you anyways.

    I suggest waiting until you are really in love (like 6 month relationship minimum) before you even think about letting some guy take it. You don't want to regret it later because you slept with some asshole

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  2. I'm totally going to think of you as a typing unicorn from now on.
    It's all good. Just think of all the horn waxing jokes you can make!

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  3. #1 is not so bad because unicorns are so awesome!

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  4. We totally view you virgins as uptight and skittish.

    On a completely related note, one of my very best girlfriends is saving it for marriage, and she just got engaged. I really, really, REALLY want to be the first phone call she makes the day after her wedding. It has been so long since I lost my virginity that I don't even remember what it's like anymore.

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  5. I don't know any female virgins. The only virgins I know are male and, in their case... it is simply tragic.

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  6. that's so funny. when I was in highschool AND in college... i realized my friends has been all along thinking i wasn't a virgin anymore! (not to judge me, but they just thought i wasn't) .. because I know so much, for not to be a virgin.

    I lost my virginity while on a 3month old relationship. and I've known the guy as the same age as our relationship was. But now we're on our second year :)


    I've said myself i dont want to succumb to pre-marital sex. but. ... heck.... i guess after all the past guys i've dated. ... the feeling I had with my boyfriend whom i knew for just 3months, was just different that's why i already gave in.


    sounds like some movie clip but... well... that's how i really felt. lol :)

    and i was right because we're now on our 2nd anniversary next month. and i guess he will be the only guy i will ever sleep with :)

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  7. By the way on the hymen part though... I'm still curious why my first try didn't bleed. i.e. no hymen breaking... so my friend's like... i wasn't a virgin before that. lol.

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  8. Like you, I am a unicorn. Female unicorns are usually virgins. Male unicorns are super sluts.

    Holla.

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