Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Hump Day

Today my roommate and I got into a lover's spat about god knows what. I was probably poking her like an obnoxious third grade bully, and she had the audacity to ask me to stop. I respond with,

"I'm going to pin you down and rape you in every orifice imaginable." 

You can visualize the stares I got while on campus. People that were sucking smelly frat dick and eating butthole the night prior were judging me. I then had a Vietnam-like flashback to all the things I've said on that campus that got me weird stares. I'll share them with you now...

Roommate: "Why are you walking funny?"
Me: "I just raped myself with some toilet paper. I just aborted a fetus in the ladies' room."

"I'm so sleep deprived I can't stay awake long enough to rub one out. You don't know shit about sleep deprivation."

"I'm not above scrambling some baby brains. "

"After I get done with this class I'm going to get really drunk, really high, and then skull fuck a kitten."

On that note, I'm going to go piss on some homeless people and finger my roommate's ferret. Happy Hump Day, everyone!


  1. People should not underestimate the cathartic release that skullfucking kittens provides.

  2. Love your blog. I think the skull-fucking comment cemented my new devotion. :D