Hump Day

Today my roommate and I got into a lover's spat about god knows what. I was probably poking her like an obnoxious third grade bully, and she had the audacity to ask me to stop. I respond with,

"I'm going to pin you down and rape you in every orifice imaginable." 

You can visualize the stares I got while on campus. People that were sucking smelly frat dick and eating butthole the night prior were judging me. I then had a Vietnam-like flashback to all the things I've said on that campus that got me weird stares. I'll share them with you now...

Roommate: "Why are you walking funny?"

Me: "I just raped myself with some toilet paper. I just aborted a fetus in the ladies' room."

"I'm so sleep deprived I can't stay awake long enough to rub one out. You don't know shit about sleep deprivation."

"I'm not above scrambling some baby brains. "

"After I get done with this class I'm going to get really drunk, really high, and then skull fuck a kitten."

On that note, I'm going to go piss on some homeless people and finger my roommate's ferret. Happy Hump Day, everyone!